On Finding Personal Meaning, Belonging, Self-Care and Love

Many look for a sense of belonging outside of their own self. People look at their families, friends, colleagues or romantic partners for approval and validation. The expectations of others, alongside those of general society, begin to shape and form their perception of and orientation in life.

Finding ourselves in others doesn’t have to be a bad thing, unless it comes at the cost of forgetting who we are, no longer belonging to our own, authentic self and betraying the loss of our individuality.

During the process of working on belonging to our own self, we can learn to experience the grounding feeling of self-validation and the discovery of individual fulfillment.

First, our actions and choices need to be rooted in personal authenticity. This means that we cannot afford to act in ways that aren’t “true” to our real self, colloquially also known as “this isn’t me.”

As we go through each day, while contending with the human condition, we experience many changes throughout our life’s journey; some bring joy, others disappointment and quite often we find ourselves suffering. It’s the one relatable thing that connects each of us – we all suffer.

What makes that suffering of life more bearable is the pursuit of individual meaning. This will be different for each person and at times, difficult to narrow down. Try remembering different things throughout your life’s experience and ask yourself what you were doing or paying attention to when you felt most alive and optimally engaged. If something comes to mind, ask yourself what it is about that particular experience making you feel this way.

For instance, someone in my workplace told me that he felt captivated while reading manga – comics or graphic novels originating from Japan – and could do it for hours without stopping, yet had a difficult time focusing on other things. He later realized it wasn’t necessarily the fact that it was manga, but the specific dialogue and philosophical ideas in the story that enraptured him.

In this situation he can continue engaging in philosophical thought and discussion with other like-minded people in various groups, either in-person or online through forums and servers, such as those on Reddit and Discord, respectively. There is a lot of content to learn, share and discuss while connecting with others in what he finds a meaningful discussion, making the tedious day-to-day grind more bearable.

Others may find their meaning in volunteering, playing an instrument, starting a family, running a business, creating art, playing a sport, there are endless options and situations, which can also be combined together.

Sometimes it is difficult to determine what makes you feel alive and surging with meaning. I encourage you to try different things calling out for your attention, in such cases, until you find something that feels right.

Another thing to keep in mind is figuring out what you don’t want. This is usually easier than knowing what you do actually want.

When you are authentic to yourself and conscious of what you value, then you can determine those things you don’t want in your life, whether it’s a situation, lifestyle habits or possible outcomes on a regular basis. It’s often easier to figure out what we don’t want before we can narrow down, re-connect with or discover our meaning. Ensuring that you don’t move closer to what you don’t want, will help you get closer to what you both do and would find meaningful through a process of gradual elimination.

Let’s say someone doesn’t want to have “poor health,” as an example. That’s a good start, but we can be more specific. Perhaps there are generational heart problems in a family. Realizing the likelihood of this occurring, someone can determine to actively make an effort to ensure that likelihood is decreased or if possible, eliminated. One can try making sure to eat healthy, minimize stress and cortisol levels, exercise, anything and everything associated with having a healthy heart.

Maybe that someone’s meaning is playing a sport they can now start or continue.

Either way, acting to reduce the likelihood or chances of what you don’t want will bring you closer to finding your meaning and living a fulfilling, affirming life. Focus on belonging to your own self and begin not only surviving, but living each day, while maximizing spending your time on what you find meaningful.

Changing your rhythm and life sometimes results in letting go of several people, who are no longer or possibly weren’t ever compatible with you, to begin with. Don’t let that discourage you. People will also be positively influenced by your pursuit of meaning as others will notice something is different about you, making you individually stand out.

Give yourself time. Be patient and kind with yourself. In the pursuit of meaning, you will find a new belonging in who you are and what you are doing that will, in turn, help connect you with other like-minded people. Don’t worry if you don’t find or meet those people right away. Those you are compatible with are worth waiting for. 🙂

People will enter and leave your life. It will be disappointing and difficult, at times, but you will always meet new people. Own who you are, exist for yourself and then you will begin shining for others. Eventually the right people will find themselves “feeling like home” in your presence and choose to stay, for better or worse, against the test of time.

Remember, we keep learning and paying it forward for the rest of our lives. From one human to another, you have my warm regards and best wishes. Discover who you are and thrive.