I am drained, uninspired and doubting myself.
What else is new?
This website launched with the motivation of a New Year’s resolution, in January, with the goal of publishing at least one post each month. The bar was set low to ensure that I actually get it done.
I expected more from myself, naturally; however, even with such a slow rate I still haven’t produced the kind of work customary to my journalism experience.
My former editors would be disappointed, but… should I really care?
This isn’t exactly a newspaper or magazine and certainly won’t be evaluated as such. Realistically, most people reading this don’t know whether or not I am closely following the expected style or rules and won’t be bothered.
Yet… I know. The editors know. Other writers know.
They can tell that I haven’t completely filled in the missing gaps in my theme or end goal, possibly even argue that I haven’t settled on a target audience. For the record, it’s every person – and yes, I realize that doesn’t count as a target audience.
Stop.
Who cares? This is my website and at the end of the day it’s not claiming to be a news outlet or specific type of publication. At least, not yet.
I definitely thought about using it strictly for “official” articles, but that’s not leaving sufficient room for creativity or the self-expression and manifestation of individuality.
This project started in pursuit of my own meaning, consisting of writing and producing varied content. A nascent idea forming shape and developing within me for years, before my therapist encouraged and talked me through delivering it into being.
Perhaps the sentimentalist in me is speaking, er, writing, but this project itself is similar to an entity, one growing into something of its own. The Point of Meaning (POM) seems to have its own direction, despite my ideas of what it could be or become.
Setting aside allusions to a brain-child, however premature, I notice that my project needs room for circumstantial development in whichever way it “naturally” progresses.
I had notions of churning out soft-feature news stories, regularly, from the start, the idea of turning each year’s collection into an e-magazine issue, but life often doesn’t go according to plans.
The COVID-19 pandemic is a great example of disrupted plans. It also coincides with the time my project was conceived, one where I learned to spend more time “being” and “existing,” rather than planning.
Life is a marathon of adaptation. It is filled with unforeseen or unavoidable events and circumstances, outside of our control, happening each day for the rest of our lives. If those experiences don’t kill us, they will teach us to adapt, change, grow and also reveal that we are stronger than we think.
For this reason, I choose to wait and see what happens as my project grows to meet its potential. I will nurture it while focused on being present in the *eternal moment. (*upcoming post)
POM will grow and form its own identity, regardless of my expectations, so I will continue working on it while enjoying both the journey and experience. This involves making peace with myself and reserving my self-deprecating judgments.
Otherwise, I’ll be similar to a “parent” expecting my “child” to become whatever I want, irrespective of that child’s personal dreams and wishes, along with the opportunity to live an individual, authentic life.
There’s no A.I. here, folks, just go with the metaphor.
If anyone reading this started a business or wrote a novel, just think about how those naturally evolved in different directions, whether it was your firm or a developing character.
Intentions have a point of origin, but their conclusion often ends differently from one’s initial expectation. Certain things just seem to take on a life of their own.
Perhaps your business offers a major primary and minor secondary service, where the secondary gains more popularity than the first. To boost revenue, focusing on the minor service will yield more profit and further grow the business, as opposed to focusing on the initial major service.
Character creation helps you imagine an isolated individual, but as your story progresses and the character interacts with others – especially as the narrative is re-worked and edited – you will notice an adaptation that breathes more aspects of humanity into that character, reflective of natural changes in the initial story.
Again, this is where adapting comes in.
I don’t know if I’m describing the creative process or whether my mind is straying from sanity, as I’m over-worked at my day job, under-slept and currently struggling with my mental health…
… but I did it. I wrote another post and now it’s time to power down.
For anyone reading this, please think positive thoughts my way. Send positive energy out into the universe, in my direction. Pray for me. Whatever that means or looks like to you. I need it, folks.
Thank you – and if you have questions, writing prompts or want me to work on anything specific, in the upcoming posts, let me know through the contact form. Have a good night!
“Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.”
– MICHAEL GUNGOR
The Point of Meaning 