Gratitude

Are you familiar with the phrase “count your blessings?”

You can trace them back to the Universe, Providence, God, friends and family, your workplace or any other immediate link in the chain, but one thing is for sure… blessings are always present, despite being hard to see, at times.

One day a large one will fall in your lap; and that is a good time to initiate some changes and turn your lifestyle around. 

In Paulo Coelho’s book, The Alchemist, young Santiago learns the Universe conspires to help him, if he makes the most of his circumstances each time he notices a Providential intervention. One must read the signs.

When life opens a door, dress yourself to be worthy of it. Renew your character, adopt new perspectives, refresh your mind and become prepared to fully immerse yourself in every detail, as close to its full potential as you can manage.

This is a pivotal moment that can transition you into or toward a life or change you’ve been hoping and/or waiting for. Providential forces are at work, so do your part to keep the momentum going.

Remember a child’s earnest enthusiasm and reconnect with that distant part of you, the one who used to believe and dream. Now is the moment.

Maybe it’s time to set that new sleep/wake schedule, trade an old hobby for a new one, adopt a new responsibility, let go of something that’s holding you back, establish new boundaries, decide to honour past or present values or give yourself the opportunity to engage in something meaningful, without holding back.

There are many growing pains we experience, including broken hopes and fading dreams. Early or advanced adulthood finds a way to make us suffer, one way or another, if childhood or teenage years haven’t already.

We like to hope, but it becomes increasingly harder each time life strikes us with disappointment; each time people in our lives bring us suffering; and when our goals are pulled farther out of reach, as we struggle not to slide backward down the hill.

There’s a song I like called City On The Hill, by the band Casting Crowns. In the song’s narrative, everyone in that city started turning on each other. There were dancers, poets, soldiers, wise men, youth, rich and poor. Each group inspired or set up a foundation of success for the other, yet once they divided amongst themselves based on their differences, the entire functioning model started collapsing.

The poets thought the dancers were shallow, the soldiers thought the poets were weak, the elders regarded the young ones as foolish and the rich man never heard the poor man speak. As they became increasingly frustrated with one another, drifting apart and running away, instead of standing strong together, the city’s light began to fade.

This can be interpreted in many ways; in a nutshell, it was no longer functional. It took everyone working together to run the city and make it thrive.

All individuals are wired differently, thinking, seeing and understanding matters in various ways. This enables us to keep our daily lives and selves running. It’s a good thing, when you consider the following examples; if we were all doctors, we wouldn’t have mechanics for our cars; if we were all strong with numbers, we would lack great writers and literature; or if everyone dressed the same way, then we wouldn’t have style and personality. This, of course, doesn’t mean such qualities are mutually exclusive.

Looking back at the song lyrics, we learn it was the rhythm of the dancers giving the poets life, the spirit of the poets giving the soldiers strength to fight, the fire of the young ones, wisdom of the old and the story of the poor man that needed to be told, all together, being what made the city shine with light and function, in essence, optimally, sustainably and successfully.

This scale carries over across general society, our cities, communities and personal homes.

Every person has strengths and weaknesses. We complement the areas where those beside us are lacking, when we stand together. In turn, they can do the same for us.

Yes, people constantly frustrate each other to no end with their differences, misunderstandings and bickering, but they also help one another do or handle what the other cannot.

At the end of the day we need to be grateful, regardless of our circumstances or the people who we find around us. In the big picture, generally speaking, it’s thanks to them that we can keep on going.

Patience is difficult to cultivate, but essential for interpersonal relationships. Learn to express gratitude, patience and understanding, before expecting to receive the same in return. We, as people, will constantly misunderstand each other, especially because our mind and personality are wired with different perspectives, reactions, temperaments and so on.

That being said, we can also learn to expand our individual perspective to encompass a greater range, increase our understanding of others around us and begin to approach any circumstantial situation while asking ourselves,”what can I do to make this situation better or what could I do to make it worse?”

Choose to make it better.

Despite experiencing negative reactions from others, it is necessary to make the effort in offering grace when we are slighted, if we hope or wish to ever receive the same.

Years ago, I read a phrase on the internet saying that “when you throw mud, you lose ground.”

What does this mean?

If you’re judging someone or want to defame them, you are metaphorically throwing dirt at them. Your reach extends to the ground you are standing on. As you fling this mud, which is what it will become at this point – it’s rather difficult throwing dry, solid ground – as you work yourself up into sweat and tears, you will lose your higher ground, symbolic of advantage or standing, social or literal, as you begin lowering yourself to an unsavoury level.

Learning to be humble is a great thing, for those who can master it.

It’s a redeeming quality, especially in the face of adversity where you have the opportunity to explore and prove the depths of your humanity and character.

Victor Frankl writes about this in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, where the author recounts his experiences in various concentration camps during the Second World War.

The Nazi regime took everything away from countless men and women who lost their homes and possessions, down to the clothes off their back, but one thing that Frankl highlights could not be taken away is an individual’s humanity.

Despite one’s suffering and hardships, they still reserved the agency of exercising their own response and attitude when faced with each of their circumstances.

Frankl illustrates that he, along with his fellow prisoners, made choices and discovered their character and selves, across the layers of humanity, reacting in various manners to their predicament and events that ultimately reflected whether or not they were “worthy of their suffering.”

That is a deep thought, being worthy of your suffering. What does it mean?

According to Frankl, it has a lot to do with how you respond or react to the circumstance in that moment, whether you do it with purpose and meaning, reflecting higher values and representing nobility of character, such as the ability to exercise grace, humility and forgiveness, to name a few, or, on the other hand, giving in to humanity’s worst impulses, including displays of tyranny, cruelty and revenge.

One’s response will tell the story of one’s character. And one may hope to be found worthy of that suffering, with the grace and acceptance that transcends common practice.

What comes to mind is a saint-like response to the worst of human transgressions, but that isn’t easy to embody. It takes a great amount of discipline and goodwill to put into practice, especially in the middle of one’s struggle and pain.

Instinctively, our reaction is to push back and quite commonly, that response will mirror the same level of hostility – if not greater – than the one initially directed at us.

Each individual has different personality traits and for some, it will be more natural, while others, particularly those who score higher in trait agreeableness, will find it more difficult to assert themselves.

Make no mistake, anyone who is pushed or abused far or long enough, can and will reach the point where one begins to push back.

Depending on the length and extent of abuse, for certain individuals, this could mean significant or drastic changes in character that begin to manifest throughout their day-to-day life.

Someone who repeatedly suffers extended stress and trauma will always be in fight-or-flight mode. This level of anxiety is tied to survival and the release of adrenaline throughout your body, using up all of its resources to physiologically prime an individual organism, either to fight against or flee the present danger.

Prolonged exposure to this state harbours serious physiological and psychological ramifications to an individual that we will explore in a future post.

One consequence is the enlargement of the amygdala, a small part of your brain that is a major processing centre for emotions. Individuals with an enlarged amygdala are more sensitive to anxiety. The amygdala will then remain this way and not revert back to its original size. (more on this in a future post, along with facts and sources)

People who live through trauma, often develop a maladjustment and various coping mechanisms. They contend with PTSD, depression and anxiety. But why am I writing about this?

The amazing thing is that many people who were abused learn to forgive those who hurt them. They learn to live again and experience gratitude. They take their learned lessons, painful experiences and share them with others, use them to understand those in similar situations or help support those who went through the same kind.

If they can do that and experience gratitude while looking forward to more of life, that sets an example for everyone to do the same. Let’s reflect back on the entirety of life and our existence. Sure, a lot of it is painful, but there’s a lot of room for gratitude.

Thank you.