One year after launching this website I find that I am still internally conflicted whether or not to apply myself and continue working on The Point of Meaning.
Why do I entertain the idea of sabotaging my project?
First, it didn’t exactly go according to plan. Instead of articles, it’s mostly comprised of blog-style posts. I haven’t exhausted myself researching the content I envisioned, yet. I am interpreting this as a slow start that is lacking in substance.
Second, my habit of starting to write content right before drowning in judgment and self-doubt, over its quality, is a huge roadblock to productivity. I have around four posts on hold for various reasons. This means I get in my own way.
Third, if I don’t continue working on it then I don’t have to worry about strewing together mediocre or subpar efforts for those times I lack inspiration and motivation. Basically, I don’t have to suck.
Fourth, it has something to do with a mixture of pride and self-pity. I don’t want to have poor quality content. It makes me feel worse about myself when I’m already doing a fine job kicking my own pathetic butt.
The fifth reason is probably laziness. My project takes time, effort and energy. If I stop then I don’t have to worry about working on it. Fatigue is already present from my day-job and social interactions experienced throughout the day, so why should I work harder and deplete additional energy reserves when I need to rest and recover? Maybe to avoid appearing like a bee-itch.
Other reasons fall into the previously mentioned categories, but my biggest concern is whether or not I suck while pushing myself to complete content at regular intervals.
I’m afraid to suck. And I don’t want to. But if I’m going to periodically schedule my content, I will certainly also produce things that will undoubtedly suck, at times.
I need to get over this. I need to suck sometimes. It’s okay. I need to embrace the fact that I am human, imperfect and will, on occasion, suck. I’ll get stronger and more efficient over time, like someone who works out using weights at the gym. Ha!
Sucking is part of the journey. It’s the reason why I’m working on this website. Our human lives are full of suffering, misadventures, they often suck and yet, there’s hope.
Many of us are starving for meaning and afraid of living as our true, authentic selves. Being who you are is a daunting prospect, especially when one considers being measured up against standards, expectations or others and their achievements.
It’s part of the journey, though. We suck. We get better. We try different things. At the end of the day, it’s a full experience. It’s important to know both doing well and also… sucking.
Some of the benefits include learning to be humble, relating to and understanding others in a similar situation and also teaching one that it’s okay to not be perfect. The last one is a huge relief and weight off of our shoulders.
Let’s be honest, the thought of not having to be perfect warrants a strong “Hurray!”
I started this website to help myself and also others, if possible. I believe my life’s purpose is helping people. I’m another individual, like you, who struggles with various things and also needs help. That help can look like understanding, support, information, perspective and more. We, as people, help each other.
The great thing about people who are hurt or going through pain is that they are relatable to each other. We all have suffering in common. We all know what it feels like to suffer. We also know what that need for understanding and comfort feels like.
People don’t need to be experts to support each other with understanding and compassion. Most of the time we need someone who will take some time and listen to us, understand our thoughts and feelings. At the very least, someone making an effort to understand regardless of whether or not the other person is actually capable of doing so. That means a lot, too.
It is, indeed, hard today. People are busy, stressed to meet various responsibilities or deadlines and our time, patience and tempers are relatively short. It’s hard to spare that extra time when you’re on the clock for work, missing out on hours of sleep or have someone at home with a list of expectations.
Despite that, dare to keep your eyes open for those human moments. Each person crossing your path is doing so for a reason. Dare to talk to that person, because more often than not we each have a message to share with one another.
Perhaps it will be a word of encouragement, caution, hope or an answer that one or both people are waiting for. It’s astounding to consider how many are discouraged or deeply suffering and in dire need of an encouraging word.
So many people need to hear someone say “I believe in you.”
Be that person. Say those words. Change someone’s day. That could be you. That could also be you right now. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that I believe in you. I do.
No matter what you’re going through, you can get through it. Take a deep breath, one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day or week or anything you need to. Don’t give up. You are stronger than you think. You can do this.
Christmas is around the corner. It means different things to different people. We all need or expect different things, but something we can all use more of is being listened to, understood and ultimately made to feel like we matter to someone.
I encourage you to spend time trying to brighten someone’s day. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just try. That’s all that matters.
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
The Point of Meaning 