Emergency meeting – calling all terrible, absent, busy, distracted, working, tired, unavailable, suffering and overall questionable people.
The reviews are in; we suck.
Welp, growing up sure didn’t go according to plan. Growing older isn’t either, so where did we go wrong?
Maybe life went wrong.
Either way, it’s no use having a pity party. We became disillusioned along the way. It doesn’t matter when, or how, why, under which circumstances and so on.
The point is it happened. No justification required.
At some point we learned that focusing on our projects, work, ourselves or select things is needed before and above anything else.
Does this mean we don’t care about people and being social? It’s not about care, but about limits and finite resources. Things like time, money and energy, not to mention our short human lifespan.
Life is full of sacrifices, unfortunately, regardless of whether we like it or not. Many would rather avoid choosing between different things, wishing, instead, that all were possible – myself included.
It’s about setting realistic expectations, at the end of the day.
Yes, I’d love to have infinite time where I can work, sleep, read, write, play video games, binge-watch shows, spend time with family, be a good friend, engage in healthy activities, exercise, eat well, reply to messages on time, never skip a shower, plus so much more.
Sadly, we only have 24 hours each day. This means it won’t all get done.
Worse, our bodies experience fatigue, stress, illness, mood swings, etc. Tragedy strikes, emergencies happen, plans are derailed, maybe everything goes upside down.
Then it happens… we end up disappointing someone.
Oh, cruel twist of fate! This unbearable, mentally exhausting and hated situation repeats again. If you’re lucky, it stops there. If not, it continues with sprinkled guilt trips and shame, self-induced or otherwise.
Manifesting as missed calls, unanswered messages, failure to plan or spend time together, are only a few reasons at the start of our list.
It continues with an untidy room, massive laundry pile, overdue library books and missed appointments. Also, when was the last time you cleaned the bathroom?
Let’s avoid using ADHD as a crutch, shall we? It’s not a get-out-of-jail-free card. It sucks, I get it; but we are still responsible for sorting ourselves out.
Read about it, listen to a podcast, practice cognitive behavioural therapy techniques, maybe get a coach. Meds help, too. The latter may be a sensitive subject for some, yet I would be remiss not to mention they made a significant difference in my life. #EndTheStigma
Just. Get. Your. Crap. Together.
Listen, I know life is tough. It is for everyone. We all have our cross to bear, one way or another. It is what it is. The real problem is measuring up to (the burden of) expectations.
For homework, I give you (and myself) permission to disappoint people. Go ahead and do it, not because you are an insufferable reprobate – good heavens, no – yet simply because there has been too much people pleasing and not enough personal goal completion.
Yes, I feel like a horrible person while turning down opportunities to spend time with people – my own mother included – but if I don’t do it that also means I’m turning down the opportunity to write my book, for example.
But Rox, you can do both! Why not take time for the other, later?
Sounds fair, now consider this… “later,” there will be a work shift, doctor appointment, phone call, need for sleep, introvert social battery recharge time, an unexpected family emergency, some other delay, obligation, anything and everything, each taking turns in the effort to convince me to turn down spending time writing my book, in favour of an alternative.
For the record, the solution isn’t to avoid people or social time indefinitely.
At some point you will circle back, in a time and way that doesn’t result in being controlled or manipulated by anyone. Remember that certain people aren’t healthy for you and sometimes, in those cases, it’s better to avoid them altogether. Disregarding that will only result in opening the door to your mental, emotional and/or physical destabilization.
This is the point where you ask yourself… “who am I? How does that compare against the kind of person I want to be or perhaps wish to project myself as, in front of others?”
More importantly, what do you need to do as an authentic individual?
Think about your life and remember the ‘to-do’ list. No, I’m not talking about responsibilities. It’s that other list of wishes and experiences you already know, deeply, in your soul, must be experienced at some point in your lifetime.
Why?
Because that realization makes your life worth living and identifies what you cannot live without.
Furthermore, it equips you to make moment-to-moment decisions that will determine how you live with yourself, whether or not you honour or betray that bucket list and who you are, ultimately, by extension.
If today was your last day… what would you regret not doing? Extreme, I know. Last week, is that better? No. Okay, I’ll give you a month. At most, a year.
You didn’t visit that country, did you? Write that book? Build a treehouse with your kids? Pursue your passion? Learn that language? Sky dive? That other thing you were going to do and experience?
At least you didn’t disappoint people. Well, there’s still time…
Choose what you need, instead of what others expect from you. Don’t be afraid to hurt feelings and say “no,” because then you’re stuck avoiding replies like I do… and that’s worse, in the end. It hurts people more, you require additional explanations and it also makes you look like a chicken.
Sometimes you need to disappoint people – and that’s okay. You will eventually make your peace with it, possibly teaching them a valuable lesson to follow your example. It’s either that or giving up your goals.
The clock is ticking, my friend. Tomorrow is a hope, not a promise.
The Point of Meaning 