In the previous post (pt.1) we established that showing up and forming tiny habits starts us on the path of discipline.
Pain will be a constant throughout our lives and it is something to push through, with perseverance. Even on ‘bad days’ when you’re tired and aching.
But… how?
According to a modern paraphrased translation of various collected writing, by Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, often misattributed as a direct quote… “ you have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
This is about willpower, you might think. You’re partially right.
Willpower is great, when achieved, but it’s usually a short term and limited mental energy. It is unrealistic, most of the time, for the average person to rely on willpower alone.
Says who? Says me; and you, too, will agree, when you look at your track record and those of others around you.
Let’s be honest, how many times did you realize you are lacking willpower while giving up on your resolve? Remember each time you made an exception for ‘one day?’ Said you will do something tomorrow, before it turned into next week? Then felt sorry for yourself, another stagnant month later, following the disappointment of lost time and opportunity?
Habits. Routines. They build sustained discipline in the long-term and reduce ongoing willpower dependency.
And yet, willpower also plays its role. You need both.
It’s the part of discipline more focused on and conscious of defining and accomplishing goals. It’s especially helpful when tied to your personal values.
What matters to you? Why does it matter to you? What does it mean to you and what is the cost involved if something does or doesn’t happen? How far and hard will you push yourself to achieve or uphold it?
Kids, for instance. Imagine you are a parent who loves and protects your kids. They mean everything to you and you would do anything for them. If anything bad ever happened to your kids, it would shatter you.
Both willpower and habits work in conjunction, with each other, to achieve synergy. It’s the ‘why’ to your ‘how.’ Mix them together into a strong foundation and supporting pillars to sustain lasting results.
Using the push-up habit example from the first post on discipline, we combine it with an identified willpower goal of protecting your kids. You want to be physically fit, strong and capable in order to protect and defend them. This translates to working out, utilizing push-ups and other physical exercises, conditioning your body and mind to do just that.
Habits, baby. Tiny habits. They grow into big habits. If you paid attention to the other post, you will remember that anchoring them to pre-existing daily routines ensures they are followed through on a regular basis. It’s part of your growing discipline regimen.
Discipline needs to be purpose-driven.
There is a reason why you are doing it. In the face of the unexpected, you must adapt. Many things in life are outside of your control, but as Marcus Aurelius is paraphrased, you have control over your mind. This means you choose how to respond, whatever comes your way. This might be during habit practice, when you’re in a bad mood and force yourself to build it anyway or during a critical moment demanding immediate goal enforcement willpower.
Let’s imagine someone breaks into your home and threatens your kids, for example. This is the part where you go in ‘mama bear mode,’ tearing the intruders apart. Push them down the stairs, break their legs, I don’t know. Mess them up. Technically, you should call the police, first, but circumstances sometimes make that difficult.
Why? You gotta’ protect your kids. At all costs.
Unfortunately, those costs sometimes end up in a lawsuit. It’s complicated. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not here for legal advice, nor do I generally condone violence, either… unless a child is in immediate danger, among a handful of other examples.
All I’m saying is… if I have a child and someone gives me a reason, I’m going in ‘mama bear mode.’ Less cutesy, more grizzly.
Next. Side story.
Three guys broke into my place when I was home alone, as a teenager. I feared for my life, locked myself in the bathroom and called emergency services. The operator asked me to go out, check and make sure they really were inside the house.
Good grief, that was bloody f’in ridiculous.
Part of me wishes I could beat those guys up – a completely normal, human reaction by the way – but I was relatively fine, they didn’t directly threaten me and also ran away, after hearing my phone call. Regardless, I had a difficult time being home alone for quite some time.
Now I’m 36 and continue having break-and-enter dreams about trespassers. If anyone reading this is a fan of the show, The Walking Dead, let me tell you, when that happens, on some days, I really feel like going full Carol on someone’s ass.
I digress.
Please forgive my inappropriate comments, especially if you’re among my youngest readers. Adults are flawed and make mistakes, too. Younger or older, everyone sometimes handles things the wrong way; yet those moments serve as learning opportunities, where we continue maturing and improving for the rest of our lives.
Thus, I’ll work on building my discipline to be better. After all, I’m supposed to be a good influence and lead by example.
Speaking of good examples, let’s turn to Victor Frankl; the remarkable man who authored Man’s Search for Meaning and articulated the significance of our humanity in response to suffering. The idea of having power over your mind is continued, here, focused on the autonomy of characteristic individual responses to factors outside one’s control.
Most interesting, to me, is the way Frankl reflected on “being worthy of our suffering.” Your response to any circumstance, ultimately, is your own, something that no one can take away from you. It’s the last inner freedom, where you dictate who you are or become in light of your circumstances.
Purpose and meaning intersect at crossroads with pain and suffering, as mankind encounters the opportunity to achieve something greater through confrontations with fate’s trials and tribulations.
It’s about reaching to meet moral standards by raising your inner strength above outward fate, while obtaining those values only forged in the fire of suffering.
As I wrote in the ‘Gratitude’ post, regarding Frankl’s being worthy of suffering, “…whether you do it with purpose or meaning, reflecting higher values and representing nobility of character, such as the ability to exercise grace, humility and forgiveness, to name a few, or, on the other hand, giving in to humanity’s worst impulses, including displays of tyranny, cruelty or revenge.
One’s response will tell the story of one’s character. And one may hope to be found worthy of that suffering, with the grace and acceptance that transcends common practice.”
This too, is part of discipline.
The Point of Meaning 